By Elissa Hurley FD/EMB

An obituary is a notice of passing that usually includes a brief biography of the person who has passed. Although there isn’t a right or wrong way to write an obituary for your loved one, it can be a difficult piece to compose alone. In this blog, I will provide an outline and give pointers to writing a meaningful and honorable obituary for yourself or a loved one.

Some people make the decision to keep the obituary for their loved one short and sweet. Others, detailed and with length. Either option is honorable. There isn’t a requirement on how long or short it needs to be or restrictions on what you can and cannot include.

As a funeral director, I will always suggest that you include what makes you happy and whatever you feel that your loved one would want people to know/remember them by. However, I will try to keep the information as relevant as possible. My job is to help you structure your desired obituary, while also keeping you on track.

Let’s get started!

1. Decedent's Name.

a. Unlike death certificates and permits, the obituary doesn’t have to list the decedent’s legal name. If they went by a middle name, nick name, or used a different last name than what was on legal paperwork, that is fine. Use whatever people know them by.

i. Example: Jane R. Doe - This could also be listed as Jane Rae Doe or Jane Doe or if they were married Jane R. (Doe) Smith. However you        please.

2. Age and Place of Residence.

a. These are both optional. Not everyone wants to list age or where they were from. Where the decedent currently resides doesn’t have to be what is listed. Wherever the majority of people would know them by is acceptable or you could list both.

i. Example: Age 100, of Camden, Ohio, formerly of Hamilton, Ohio.

3. Announcing the Passing of Your Loved One. a. I have found that this is usually a difficult decision for families to make. The circumstances of the decedent's passing really plays a role in this line of the obituary. This is 100% personal preference. After choosing wording, the date would then follow.

i. Examples:

1. Went to be with the Lord on Tuesday February 13, 2024.

2. Joined her/his loved ones in Heaven

3. Ended her/his life Journey

4. Passed peacefully at home surrounded by loved ones

5. Passed away

4. When and Where the Decedent was Born and to Whom.

a. Family dynamics will altar how this section is listed. Adjust the information to fit your family dynamic.

b. If the decedent's parents were married and both are deceased, you can put “to the late” before listing them. Also, you can include the mother’s maiden name if desired.

Typically, this would go into parenthesis.

i. Example: Jane was born on October 11, 1923, to the late John and Mary (Deer) Doe in Hamilton, Ohio.

5. Preceded In Death

a. This is where it is my job to help you stay on track. Deciding who to list in both this section and the survived by section can be difficult for the family to decide. They don’t want to make anyone feel left out or forget anyone. This can make the obituary very lengthy. As I said before, there isn’t a right or wrong, but I will gently remind my families that these sections are usually for the decedent’s side of the family or anyone they were very close with.

b. As an animal lover, I will always encourage families to include fur babies in both the preceded and survived by section, IF that is appropriate for their loved one.

i. Example: Along with her parent’s, Jane is preceded in death by her brother, James B. Doe; fur baby Diesel.

6. Survived By

a. Again, I am here to help you stay on track. You are welcome to list everyone by name or use numbers if you have a large family and don’t want to list everyone by name. A common order is spouse, children (typically oldest to youngest), grandchildren (typically oldest to youngest), great grandchildren, siblings, special friends, fur babies, nieces and nephews.

b. In the survived by section, you can include someone's partner by placing their name in parentheses prior to the last name. c. You can also list where individuals are from if desired. i. Example: Jane is survived by her loving husband of 72 years, Jack Smith; children, Sam (Kathy) Smith, Julie (Greg) Jackson, Anna (Dave) Durk; grandchildren, Scotty Smith, Lily, Smith, Luke Jackson, Kailey (Don) Brunt, Cadne Durk; great grandchild, Finley Brunt; sister Donna (Steve) Nolan; special friend Debbie Ryann, several nieces and nephews and loved ones who will miss her dearly.

7. Biography

a. Personally, I think this is a difficult section because it can be very hard to speak about your loved ones life in just a couple of paragraphs. The length and depth is up to you and your family, but usually, this section will include schooling information, organizations they were involved in, and things they enjoyed doing or touches on who they were as a person.

b. I like to remind families that most people who will read their loved ones obituary are people who knew them. But, in some cases, there will be people who read this obituary and will be learning about your loved one for the first time. It’s beneficial to find a happy medium between writing and overview and telling their story.

i. Example: Jane was a graduate of Talawanda High school, class of 1941. After graduating, she worked as a Chef at Miami University for 5 years before meeting the love of her life, Jack. After they got married, Jane became a homemaker and cared for her three beloved children. She was a devoted member of the Christ Church in Dayton, Ohio and helped teach Sunday School for nearly 30 years. In her free time, Jane enjoyed being outside and soaking up the nature that surrounded her. Above all, she loved spending time with her grandchildren. Jane made sure to make it to all of their sporting events, no matter the weather. Jane was such a loving, kind soul and will be missed dearly by those who knew her.

8. Service Information

a. This section will typically be created by the funeral director. I usually add it at the end of every obituary for the families because I know all of the details needed.

b. Here is where you could mention in lieu of flowers, IF desired. A visitation will be held at Bales Funeral Home (249 N. Main Street, Camden, Ohio, 45311) on Friday, February 16, 2024, from 11:00AM to 1:00PM. The service will start at 1:00 with Pastor Bob Joe officiating. Burial will follow at Preble Memory Gardens Cemetery (3377 US RT 35 East, West Alexandria, Ohio). In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Hospice of Dayton. For condolences, please visit www.balesfh.com.

Let’s put it all together now!

Jane R. (Doe) Smith Age 100, of Camden, Ohio, formerly of Hamilton, Ohio, went to be with the Lord on Tuesday February 13, 2024. She was born on October 11, 1923, to the late John and Mary (Deer) Doe in Hamilton, Ohio. Along with her parent’s, Jane is preceded in death by her brother, James B. Doe; fur baby Diesel. Jane is survived by her loving husband of 72 years, Jack Smith; children, Sam (Kathy) Smith, Julie (Greg) Jackson, Anna (Dave) Durk; grandchildren, Scotty Smith, Lily, Smith, Luke Jackson, Kailey (Don) Brunt, Cadne Durk; great grandchild, Finley Brunt; sister Donna (Steve) Nolan; special friend Debbie Ryann, several nieces and nephews. Jane was a graduate of Talawanda High school, class of 1941. After graduating, she worked as a Chef at Miami University for 5 years before meeting the love of her life, Jack. After they got married, Jane became a homemaker and cared for her three beloved children. She was a devoted member of the Christ Church in Dayton, Ohio and helped teach Sunday School for nearly 30 years. In her free time, Jane enjoyed being outside and soaking up the nature that surrounded her. Above all, she loved spending time with her grandchildren. Jane made sure to make it to all of their sporting events, no matter the weather. Jane was such a loving, kind soul and will be missed dearly by those who knew her. A visitation will be held at Bales Funeral Home (249 N. Main Street, Camden, Ohio, 45311) on Friday, February 16, 2024, from 11:00AM to 1:00PM. The service will start at 1:00 with Pastor Bob Joe officiating. Burial will follow at Preble Memory Gardens Cemetery (3377 US RT 35 East, West Alexandria, Ohio). In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Hospice of Dayton. For condolences, please visit www.balesfh.com.

This concludes all the pointers I have for writing a meaningful and honorable obituary for yourself or a loved one. I hope you find this informational blog helpful! Please contact either of our funeral home locations for assistance if you ever need help or have any questions while writing an obituary, we would be happy to help :)